


Star Spangled Onesie

by allthehomoslash



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: 'Murica, American flag onesie, Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Co-worker blackmail is the best sort when Avengers are involved, Fluff and Crack, I don't know where Thor went, I'm hella proud of this, M/M, Maybe he hid his Pop Tarts on Asgard or some shit, Ship it bitches, So much crack I should sell this on the black market, Stony - Freeform, There may be a second fic of this at some point with aforementioned Coulson, This needs more Coulson, Tony Stark? More like Tony Snark, Tony's a better boyfriend than the Avengers thought, Tony's a filthy breakfast thief, bite me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-17
Updated: 2015-07-17
Packaged: 2018-04-09 18:45:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4360196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allthehomoslash/pseuds/allthehomoslash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Long story short this happened because I fed off the insanity that was my friends' head canons. Challenge was to include Stony, have Steve in an American flag onesie and bald eagle slippers. It went from there. I'm proud of this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Star Spangled Onesie

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JazziGirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JazziGirl/gifts), [SatansTrueMistress](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SatansTrueMistress/gifts).



Clint walked into the common area with a plate stacked with toast. "Tony. Get your 'genius' butt off my spot. It's too damn early to be an ass."   
Tony settled further into the couch. "Bite me, Clint."   
"Tony, behave. Clint, sit somewhere else" Bruce reprimanded without taking his eyes away from the book he was reading.   
"Bite me too, Beast Boy."   
"You'll bite my backhand in a moment, Tony."   
Tony's face telegraphed his fear at the prospect for only a moment, but it was enough to tell Natasha he got the message.   
"Alright, alright, dammit. Hey, Natasha, how's Steve today? Is he feeling any better?"   
"Don't deflect. And he seems to be recovering. Kind of hard to know for sure though. Poor thing gets sick maybe once a year if that, but when he does it knocks him flat. And with this flu we can't really be close enough to care for him."   
"Don't worry, he's almost over this one. Another couple of days and he'll be fine enough that we can be around him with no repercussions."   
"Your assumptions are exactly that - assumptions To -ny..." Bruce's comment faded as he stared toward the hallway to the bedrooms with a stunned look on his face, that Natasha seemed to share.   
"I -I gave him those pajamas as a joke, I never thought he'd actually wear them." Natasha said. Tony and Clint looked at her fearfully.   
"Oh don't look at me like that, I bought him an American flag onesie as a joke, never thought I'd see him wear it. I have no clue where those Bald Eagle slippers came from though."   
Tony choked and coughed suddenly. "I uh... I bought him those for the same reason you bought the onesie."  
Bucky walked in from the kitchen. "What? Onesie? Who's wearing a onesie?"   
"Oh, Steve just went to the bathroom, half asleep, in an American onesie and Bald Eagle slippers. Turns out they were gag gifts from Natasha and Tony. It surprised them to see him wearing them" Bruce answered.   
"Well yeah, it basically screams 'Murica."   
"Tony, shut up."   
"Bite me Bucky."   
"At this rate Tony there won't be much of you left."   
"You're getting a second helping Beast Boy."   
"Shut it. All of you. We have the potential for some heavy duty blackmail and comedy material and possibly the card for Steve's next birthday here. Bruce, get your phone ready. Bucky, grab me that American flag from Steve's room, be quick." Curious as to what Clint was planning, Bucky did as told.   
"Clint, what on earth is this about?"   
"Just have your phone ready Bruce, and film as soon as Steve comes into view." Bucky came back and handed the flag to Clint.   
"Wha-"   
"Shh! He's coming! Bruce, get ready!"   
Clint stood to the side of the doorway with the flag to stay out of sight. Tony grabbed Clint's plate of toast and offered some to Natasha and said "Oh this should be good" as he munched away. Natasha nodded in reply as she bit into the stolen breakfast. Steve walked by the doorway, clearly not aware of his surroundings. Bruce stood, ready to follow Clint, with everyone lined up behind him, Tony not willing to relinquish the plate of toast.   
Bucky began turning bright red as he tried not to make any sound that might alert Steve as to what was happening behind him. Clint marched silently behind Steve, looking every bit the 'Murica stereotype.   
Bucky lost it at this, and between gasping bursts of laughter began singing random lines of Star Spangled Man, Natasha and Tony sniggering in the background. Bruce tried not to laugh in order to keep the phone steady.   
Steve turned around, clearly bone tired, pale, and glassy-eyed. "Very funny" he mumbled. "When you're done being douches put the flag back where you found it."   
He stormed off as well as he could being as ill as he was, his shoulders slumped that little bit further than before.   
Clint stood there, his mouth open and possibly catching flies. Bruce lowered his phone.   
"Well, that didn't go as expected."   
"Bruce?"   
"Yes, Bucky?"   
"Shut it. Clint, give me the flag. I'm gonna go put it back." Clint handed him the flag dejectedly, his joking mood all but gone.   
"I'm gonna go finish my breakfast." Tony's eyes widened and he quickly hid the plate by standing behind Natasha, who looked at him evilly. 

Bucky poked his head around Steve's bedroom door. "Steve? You know that was just a joke right? We didn't mean anything by it."   
Steve rolled from being face down on his pillow to look at Bucky as he shut the door behind him and carefully placed the flag back in its original spot. "I'm sick, I can't be around you guys in case I make you sick, I just want a damn hug and someone to look after me because I'm tired of dragging myself around to do it. So excuse me if I can't take any crap right now."   
Steve coughed, and Bucky winced at how raw it sounded despite the medications.   
"'M sorry Steve. You want that hug?" Steve sighed.   
"No. If you get sick you're gonna be just as bad as me. Not worth it. I mean, I want a hug but not if I'm gonna possibly leave you bedridden. Go on. I'm sure everyone's gonna need reassurance that I'm not angry."   
"Okay. I wanna be the first hug when you're well enough, by the way." Steve smiled at his brother-in-arms.   
"Sure. Now let me sleep." Bucky walked back into the common area, and at seeing everyone sulking in their own special way, thought he better let them know.   
"Calm down guys. He's just moody because he's sick. He told me he's just feeling crappy, and he wants a hug but he can't have one, and he's tired and sore. He just wasn't in the mood for any of that."   
They all relaxed visibly. Tony snuck out to the hallway still hiding the plate of toast from Clint who was currently annoyed that he'd had to make more.   
"So he's not angry?"   
"Well right now he might be. Just wait 'til he's feeling better Clint. He'll probably laugh with us."   
Tony opened the door to Steve's room in a similar manner to Bucky. "Hey." He sat down by Steve on the bed. "Toast?" he offered. Steve smiled groggily.   
"Whose food did you appropriate this time?"   
"You know me too well. It was Clint's. Call it karma for putting you in a crappy mood. I'm sorry by the way. We were surprised to see you wearing the pajamas and slippers and one thing led to another."   
Now sitting against the headboard, Steve grabbed a piece of toast from Tony and replied "I was already in a crappy mood. Tired, sore, couldn't be bothered."  
He ate slowly, his sore throat making him apprehensive about eating.   
"So. Bucky said something about wanting hugs?"   
"Hmm? Yeah, but I don't wanna make anyone sick."   
Next thing Steve knew it wasn't the headboard at his back but Tony, who put his arms around Steve to hug him and to hold the plate of toast for him.   
"Screw it. You need to be cared for right now. There's not much worse than being ill and not having someone to tend to you. If I get sick then we'll just be sick together." Steve relaxed in his arms.   
"This is why I love you."   
"Yeah, well just remember I have a reputation, only /you/ get to see this." Steve chuckled/wheezed/coughed and Tony kissed him on the cheek and held him a little tighter. Steve wasn't going to complain. Not at all. 

THREE DAYS LATER   
"Steeeeeve! I don't feel so good."   
"I told you you'd get sick, Tony."   
"I'd tell you to bite me but I really don't have the energy. So hug me instead."   
Steve pulled Tony close. "I know."   
Tony fell asleep and Steve not long after.   
Bruce and Natasha chuckled as they carefully shut the door, ready to show the others the pictures they'd taken of Tony in Steve's America onesie and Steve in a pair of Iron Man pajamas.


End file.
